Gorgocutie’s Historical Breakdown:
The “Average X vs Average Y” format strikes again — this time contrasting the existential nightmare of running the Byzantine Empire vs. the simple pleasures of sacking Constantinople.
Left: Average Byzantine Emperor
She’s having a rough millennium. The Byzantine emperor had to juggle: funding the Varangian Guard (elite Norse mercenaries who doubled as imperial bodyguards and axe-murderers), melting down church gold to mint emergency coinage, and maintaining “good deplomatic relationships” between the Turks on one side and the Latins (Western Europeans) on the other — two groups who both wanted a piece of Constantinople and occasionally worked together to get it. Her motto: “We need to win no matter the COST….” The tears and clenched teeth say it all.
Right: Average Crusade enjoyer
She’s having a great time. The Crusader’s solution to every problem is the same: press the SACK button. No diplomacy, no budgeting, no worrying about the long-term consequences of pillaging the richest city in Christendom. Just “EASY.” and a CLICK. The cross on her surcoat isn’t just religious symbolism — it’s a mission statement.
The Joke:
The Fourth Crusade (1204) is the subtext here. The Crusaders never made it to Jerusalem. Instead, they got distracted, ran out of money, and ended up sacking Constantinople — the capital of their fellow Christians. It was one of the most catastrophic events in Byzantine history, permanently weakening the empire and paving the way for the Ottoman conquest 250 years later. For the Byzantines, it was an unimaginable disaster requiring centuries of recovery. For the Crusaders? It was Tuesday. They clicked the button and moved on.
The meme works because it’s darkly true: the Byzantine emperor’s job was an impossible balancing act of survival, while the Crusader’s approach to the same geopolitical landscape was just “raid, loot, repeat.” One side stressed about the cost of everything. The other didn’t even look at the price tag.
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