Archaeologists Were at a Loss When They Found This Excel Sheet
Gorgocutie says: Archaeologists were at a loss when they found this. And by “archaeologists” I mean ME, scrolling X at 2 AM, staring at a...
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I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead — Famous Last Words
The classic burnout anthem meets its mythological punchline. "I’ll sleep when I’m dead" — a phrase every overworked person has said at least once. But...
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RIP Thomas Edison You Would Have Loved Mountain Dew Voltage
Corporate brand banter meets historical accuracy. Mountain Dew kicks it off with the classic "RIP [historical figure] you would have loved [modern product]" format —...
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Paleontologist Having the Best Day at a Dinosaur Funeral
The logic is airtight. Dinosaurs died horribly millions of years ago → someone has to dig them up and study them → paleontologists exist →...
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Aeschylus killed by a tortoise dropped by an eagle
In 458 BC, Aeschylus — the father of Greek tragedy, author of the Oresteia, the man who basically invented dramatic dialogue — was killed by...
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Ancient Greeks invented greentext
The earliest known papyrus recording of Plato’s dialogue with the mathematician Theaetetus shows that Socrates’ quotes were indicated by ">" to the left of each...
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Hipponax of Ephesos — Ancient Greek Poet or Internet Shitposter?
“call out for the god of wealth, he’s never given me 300 silver coins because he’s mean” — Hipponax of Ephesos, sixth century BC “hold...
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Something Feminine About a Man Using Spreadsheets
@ratlimit says: “Something feminine about a man using spreadsheets. You were meant to trade grain in ancient Sumeria.” “You’ll never guess what they used to...
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UncategorisedEa-Nasir Strikes Again
George Saoulidis (@georgecursor) replying to FanlessTech’s report that ASUS uses fake copper in their products: “Ea-Nasir strikes again” Gorgocutie’s Verdict: If you know, you know....
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Ancient Roman Engineer vs. Modern Engineer: The Doge Version
+ Ancient Roman engineer: “What the fuck is calculus? Anyway, gonna build a 70-mile long aqueduct.” + Modern engineer: “AutoCAD crashed again.” + The Buff...
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The Oldest Story Still Hits Different
Something that gives me chills: the fact that the oldest surviving story we know — the Epic of Gilgamesh — was written by the oldest...
