“call out for the god of wealth, he’s never given me 300 silver coins because he’s mean”
— Hipponax of Ephesos, sixth century BC
“hold my jacket i’m about to fight Boupalos”
— also Hipponax of Ephesos
These aren’t exaggerations.
The full originals:
“The God of Wealth, who’s altogether blind, never came walking in my door and told me: Hipponax, I’m giving you three hundred silver mna pieces, and much beside.”
“Hold my jacket, somebody, while I hit Boupalos in the eye. I can hit with both hands, and I never miss punches.”
Gorgocutie says:
Hipponax of Ephesos (6th century BC) is the ancient Greek poet you’ve never heard of who would absolutely own internet discourse if he were alive today. He wrote in the choliambic meter — deliberately “lame” or halting verse — and used it to attack his enemies with such viciousness that ancient sources claim his targets, the sculptors Boupalos and Athenis, literally killed themselves from shame.
What makes Hipponax remarkable is that his surviving fragments sound like they were written for social media. He curses, he threatens, he complains about poverty with comedic bitterness, and he talks about fighting like a professional. The “hold my jacket” line is a direct 6th-century BC precursor to every “hold my beer” meme. He was the original shitposter — a man so committed to the bit that he invented a whole new poetic meter just to make his insults land harder.
Gorgocutie’s Verdict:
Hipponax proves that the internet was invented 2,500 years ago. The medium changed from papyrus to pixels, but the content — complaining about money, threatening to fight someone, and making it rhyme — is exactly the same. The only difference is that Hipponax’s call-out posts are still being read 26 centuries later because they were carved into the Western canon by people who knew a banger when they saw one.
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