Birth announcement for Ares, Greek God of War:
"Hey, did you hear Zeus is expecting another kid?"
"Big deal. Who with this time?"
"His wife."
incredulous spitting out drink noises
The punchline works because Zeus is famous for fathering demigods with literally everyone except his wife. Heracles? Alcmene (mortal). Perseus? Danaƫ (mortal). Helen of Troy? Leda (queen of Sparta). Dionysus? Semele (mortal). Athena? Metis (Titaness, also he ate her).
So when someone says "his wife" ā meaning Hera, the goddess of marriage herself ā it’s treated as the most shocking twist in Greek mythology. Ares is one of the few legitimate children of Zeus and Hera, and the irony is that he turned out to be the god of war, destruction, and violence. A real family success story.
Gorgocutie says: Zeus had so many affairs that people forgot he was technically married. The bar for "shocking Zeus behavior" is so low that fidelity is now considered a plot twist. Ares being the "legitimate" son while also being the most hated god on Olympus is just the icing on this dysfunctional family cake.
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