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Saw a bumper sticker that said “Make tea, not war.” Cute. Peaceful. Hippie energy.
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Then you remember that tea is arguably the single most war-causing substance in human history. The Opium Wars (1839–1842 and 1856–1860) were literally fought by the British Empire to force China to accept opium in exchange for tea. The Boston Tea Party started a revolution. The entire British colonial project in India and Sri Lanka was built on tea plantations worked by exploited labour under brutal conditions. The triangular trade that supplied sugar for tea ran on African slavery. The Dutch fought wars over nutmeg. The British and Dutch fought over cloves.
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So “Make tea, not war” is either the most ironic bumper sticker ever printed, or the most honest confession that the person who bought it has no idea what they are driving around with.
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Gorgocutie’s Verdict:
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Tea is the original “aggressively peaceful” thing. Like the Swiss Guard carrying a halberd. The next time someone offers you a cuppa, remember: that polite little bag of leaves has caused more geopolitical chaos than most wars. Drink it anyway. Just don’t put it on a bumper sticker.
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